Straight Outta Sidcup- FWA (Fatty Wit Attitude)

Written by Joe Slim Brady

Straight outta Sidcup, another bizarre match report

Straight outta Sidcup, another bizarre match report
Who’s the best 2nd XV in the country that cannot be caught?
9am and an alarm disrupts my Saturday slumber
Damn you Phil Evans, should’ve changed my number
Boots come out of the loft, gumshield out of the drawer
Eat leftover chicken wings, wish there were more
Late for the 10:30 meet but it’s still all good
Catch up with dem boyz in the Sidcup hood
On to the bus, some sh*t film with lightsabers
But I’m preoccupied with observing the aisles I’ll chunder in later
Despite some traffic and the North London congestion we hit
Dem Sidcup boyz step out off the bus to f*ck up Tring sht
Walk up a hill to a pitch for no particular reason
But Keith Forward has that smile that keeps for all seasons
Warm up is popping, very few balls dropping
Scotty and Dai on hand to remind us about chopping
Then comes the bombshell! No reason to cheer
It’s uncontested scrums! Why am I here?
The game starts fast, neither side gives away much
I’m eating maoam, Sam Adams running touch
Steve Evans and Colby batter the Tring defensive line
Only trouble is the Sidcup line out is having a ropey old time
But just when the Tring forwards say “y’all line out messy”
Steve Evans burst over to score, replying “Trabajo fácil, Ese”
Tring respond like Five O, tryna kick Sidcup’s door down
Max O’Leary is all like “Fam, you want more now?”
Takes the interception with the left, fends with the right
A few defenders beaten and he scores, goodnight
Half time comes round and I briefly stop eating sweets
The players know they can do better, performance far from complete
With the wind at their backs and renewed belief
The Tring forward pack started to show their teeth
But Matt Ody at 10 was like a bullfighter, screaming “Ole!”
Taking the ball to the line and feeding the talisman Dave Fawole
The self-acclaimed Count Blackula brought the ruckus to Hertfordshire
Speeding through tackles like a message on a wire
Captain Coshy makes a break, the Buddha is on fire
Show me a better drinking scrum half, I’ll show you a liar
More Sidcup pressure and smart running lines
Ody scores and Seb converts brilliantly in the wind for the third time
Tring are dishevelled and Sidcup confidence is high
And that’s before an engorged bat symbol appears in the sky
The PPV main event, the females in the crowd go wild
Imagine if Quade Cooper and Paul Jewell had a child
Brady’s back on the scene and you KNOW what that means
This immediately slows down the game and helps the other team
Tring score two tries from pushover mauls
Cutler brings calm to this developing storm
Sidcup had had good moments but their defence really topped it
And Brady could have scored if Awful hadn’t dropped it
In a last throw of the dice, Tring send up this Uruk Hai twelve
Colby and Lenny just can’t help themselves
Big shoulders in, smash him back in the contact
The Blackheath and Old E’s men immediately start talk about their contract
But all that can wait, Tring are held out from the gate
Another win for the 2s, isn’t that just great?