Oh we do like to joué beside the seaside…

Written by Coach Jones’ favourite Charlie Hopkins.

Oh we do like to joué beside the seaside…

Sidcup opened their 2017/18 campaign away against a revamped Southend Saxons side who were seeking to build a home fortress by the sea.

Sidcup’s preparations for their inaugural season in London and South East Premier division (formerly National league 3) had been thoroughly planned by the coaching staff and were aptly gruesome. An early introduction to contact and a multitude of fitness tests interrupted the enjoyment of conditioned games. Despite these arduous sessions the players responded well to Coach Jones’ “positive” feedback and recognised that the early effort would be rewarded in the season. This resulted in record numbers of players at training sessions allowing us to put together virtually three sides for the “grab touch” games that concluded every session. Sidcup added extra fixtures to the pre-season schedule this year and in total had four fixtures and one festival to attend. As is commonplace in pre-season the sides were full of varying combinations and every player acquitted themselves well and performed to Sidcup’s increasingly high standards. The pre-season concluded on a “deload” week (surprisingly consisting of one training session and Sidcup’s hardest test yet from a well organised Old Colfeians side). This pre-season match gave Sidcup the wakeup call many believed was necessary and led the players into perhaps the best week’s training of the entire pre-season.

Finally, the most anticipated date in Sidcup rolled around, the 2nd of September. The Cup faithful had this date penned in their diaries since Sidcup gained promotion way back in April. Both the 1st XV and the 2nd XV were playing away to Southend. This meant an early coach call and - despite warnings from Coach Jones and Superstar Captain Jon West - there was a sight that had become more prevalent throughout the week; new prop Connor Ganley racing in late proclaiming his innocence and blaming College and/or Work. Despite the late departure, both Sidcup sides arrived in good spirits to a glorious day in Southend. Under Coach Jones’ advice the players began their pitch inspection with a high quality game of garden cricket. The 2nd XV kicked off an hour earlier than the 1sts so they could provide some much needed encouragement at crunch time for the 1st XV.

Before long both Sidcup sides were in their respective changing rooms gazing at the brand new glistening white strip with nothing but adoration and pride. There are rumours that Alex ‘Cankle’ Tompkins shed a tear at his long awaited return to a shiny new Sidcup shirt. Despite the camaraderie blossoming amongst the squad, Sidcup fly half Josh ‘Andy Goode’ Twyford took the warm up as an opportunity to remind Joe ‘The Old JT’ Thomas that despite his late change from flanker to second row, Joe was not yet part of Second row club, knocking out Joe’s tooth with a flying elbow to ensure he wouldn’t forget. At the conclusion of the warm up the players returned to a sauna-esque changing room and listened in to the words of wisdom Jon West bestowed upon them. It was now battle time.

The men in all white received the kick off and, as expected, a nervy first five minutes of cagey rugby ensued, with neither side gaining any real advantage. A plethora of errors from the away side allowed Southend to gain favourable field position and milk a penalty from a scrum. Fortunately for Cup the Southend scrum half pushed his effort wide of the left hand upright. Despite this early let off Sidcup continued making mistakes, but some ferocious defence rebuffed Southend’s attacks. This defence led the tide to turn in Sidcup’s favour and the powerful set piece gained a foothold providing the backline with a stable platform for the first time in the contest. A penalty around the half way line was awarded to Sidcup and Twyford duly obliged by slapping a kick into the home side’s 22 welcoming Cup for the first time in the game. For those unable to attend preseason, Coach Jones has split the pitch into separate sections, and affectionately named the attacking 22m ‘the dancefloor’. Rumour has it this is so named after Coach Jones witnessed the outlandish shapes pulled by Ed ‘Snake’ Velasco towards the end of last season. Reportedly Coach hopes similar successes are gained on-field to those Ed gains on the dancefloors of many back street clubs - always leaving with at least a 3. The Sidcup forwards, adamant that they would not settle for Ed’s low standards, formed a driving maul from the ensuing lineout which (despite Carmen’s highest pitch screams of celebrations) was deemed to be held up over the line. Forgetting this early setback the forwards formed a solid scrum which allowed Ollie ‘Hair Transplant’ Vidgeon to go crashing over under the sticks. The forever-balding Josh comfortably added the extras.

Undeterred the side in brown and white put together some good interlinking phase play, resulting in a well-worked score under the posts. Sidcup responded well, shimmying onto the dancefloor once again. Alas much like Sam ‘Best Friend’ Carmen’s trips to dancefloors across the South East, this time we were left empty handed. Spurred on by Carmen’s never say die attitude, Sidcup sashayed onto the dancefloor once more. This time coming away with a well-earned seven points thanks to a delightful miss pass from James ‘Cruise’ Poland to find Coach Jones’ favourite Charlie Hopkins manning his familiar wing spot ready to burst over the line. Josh of course added the extras. Southend responded immediately with a penalty kick to reduce the deficit. The half ended with two tries for the men in white rewarding their first bonus point of the new season. The first score was the familiar sight of the handsome Cup forwards once again carrying Jon West over the line for his first five pointer of the season. The second try came through new flanker extraordinaire Dan ‘The Better Thomas’ Thomas taking full advantage of Vidgeon breaking through the defence and a nifty back handed flick allowing him to slide over under the posts. Josh notched both conversions adding to his point haul for the day.

After the break, Sidcup picked up where they left off applying early pressure upon the resilient Southend defence. This was going swimmingly until one of the more interesting kicks of Josh’s career. A banana Crossfield kick that resulted in not only Josh losing another hair, but Southend relieving pressure and charging deep into Sidcup territory. The Saxons then moulded together a few phases which eventually resulted in the completely fair sin binning of Captain Jon West. Southend soon exploited the reduced Sidcup defence, dotting down in the corner. Down to 14 men, Sidcup came back fighting however the Saxons’ tails were now firmly up and utilising their extra man in the scrum to their advantage, gained a second yellow card. Sidcup’s prop Harrison ‘The Young Bull’ Keeley was the fall man this time. Southend immediately struck again, scoring in the corner to draw themselves within three points of Cup’s lead. There was a sustained period of toing and froing between the two sides when Sidcup returned to their full complement. The only real action of note was Velasco’s poor execution of another questionable dance move, the lesser seen diving header tackle, resulting in his afternoon being cut short. Sidcup capped off the afternoon with a signature James Poland Supermarket Sweep-style run, culminating in the final seven points of the day. Sidcup ran out victorious: 35-25.

The Post-match feedback from the coaches was one of realism; explaining how, although we were to enjoy the bus ride home, we must identify we are far from the finished article and we have a lot to work on before a tough test in Westcombe Park next week.

Heeding the coaches’ advice, the two team coach journey was rather jubilant and not many enjoyed it more than 2nd XV Man of the Match, Nick Gilbert, based on his time spent in the toilet. Debutants Brandon Donnovan, Dan Thomas and Connor Ganley were also richly rewarded for their accomplishment. We all look forward to seeing plenty more of you in white as the season progresses.

Motm: Harrison Keeley

Written by Coach Jones’ favourite Charlie Hopkins.