Done and dusted at Dunstans

Sidcup 3rd team travelled to Old Dunstonians’ delightful ground for what would probably be their last league fixture of the season after an enforced two week break. With both Southwark 2’s and Old Alleynians 3’s deeming put 15 players out against us infeasible and the likelihood of rearranged fixture against Beckenham 3’s and Colfians 2’s looking remote, Saturday’s fixture was probably the last change for these gallant gentlemen to play rugby together. Both sides seemed up for the match and prepared earnestly beforehand for the end-of- season swansong… however, this astute preparation ethic had escaped the match official as he turned up twenty minutes after the 3.00 kick off deadline.

The game got under way after skipper Ian “Lucky” Stephens lost the toss and Old Dunstonians decided to play against the slope in the first half. From the kick off, Old D’s secured possession and spun the ball quickly left, outflanking the somewhat tight Sidcup midfield and almost scored in the opening minute but for the keen eye of the referee who spotted a forward pass. The first scrum to the visitors saw the Sidcup pack try to unsettle the opposition by retreating backwards faster than the home side could push. Old D’s again attacked, this time through the midfield but were excellently marshalled by Messrs McNally and Brunt, (both younger and handsomer brothers of fellow Sidcup players). Old D’s conceded a penalty at the breakdown and the trusty boot of Stamato (the only part of him that is trusty in most people’s opinion, shifty-eyed character that he is) cleared to the halfway.

Having alleviated the pressure, the Sidcup pack conspired to lose the line out and again Old D’s spin the ball left finding enough space to park a bus, only for returning academic Louis Keeley to put in a fine tackle and quell the storm. However, the referee decided that Sidcup were too fit at the breakdown and gave a penalty to home side which Old D’s duly kick to the Sidcup 5 metre for an attacking lineout. Unlike Sidcup, the hosts secure their own ball and a goliath of a second row charges off on a back peel, only to meet flanker Watson who not only holts the behemoth in his tracks but manages to prevent the ball being recycled and Sidcup are awarded a put in to the scrum.

The ball is cleared but only to the 22’ and from the lineout Old D’s are awarded a penalty for a Sidcup player having a B.M.I. index of below 25%. Having the ascendancy in the set piece, Old D’s opt for the scrum so as to tie in the Sidcup pack and prepare again for the attack. The problem with planning set piece attacks is that forwards generally can’t concentrate on two things at a time, thus the scrum was at first held by the visitors and then disrupted enough for the ball to pop out into the open and Watson and Hancox set off up field to once again relieve the pressure.

Old Dunstonians were belying their position at the bottom of the league and playing at a great pace and with great commitment. Sidcup, bereft of any rugby for nigh on a month, seemed to have lost their match fitness, which is perilous as for many of the team this is the only fitness they have. Also, having primed themselves for a kick off some twenty minutes previous to the actual start of the game, the visitors seemed to take longer adjusting to the game. Old D’s where in the ascendancy in the early stages and another promising attack was only thwarted by their own error as they were penalised for crossing earlier in the move. Stamato’s penalty clearance again cleared the imminent danger and Sidcup were over the half way line and into opposition territory for only the second time in the match.

Sidcup began a period of possession; with front five forward Custy and Pooley now breaking into a jog to get to the breakdown rather than a quick walk. From the lineout the ball is moved left and Watson again demonstrates great upper body strength to secure possession at the breakdown. Old D’s are under pressure for the first time in the game and Sidcup win a lineout on the opposition 10’. The ball is won and McNally, his nostrum now in good working order, charges up the middle making good ground with the ever-present Watson in support to carry the move onward. Alex is help ten metres out and feeds to the ball to the now surprisingly lively Custy to crash over the line but the referee adjudges the final pass to be forward, much to JC’s chagrin. From the scrum, Old D’s clear but only to their 22’ but the Sidcup lineout is beginning to function much better as hooker Wicks begins to understand the calls. The ball is moved into the midfield where Brunt crashes through and makes good yardage before the ball is recycled to skipper Stephens. Having nobly stepped into the breach to play fly half in the absence of anyone who can, Stephens telegraphs the inside pass and the Old D’s defence nearly intercept but thankfully knock the ball on it the process.

Sidcup keep up the territorial advantage and after a sustained period of pressure, Old D’s elect to try the aerial route with a “Garryowen” up to half way. As Sidcup players fly in from all directions, Joe Custy amazes everyone by fielding the ball whilst running backwards and then arcing off at angle to wrong-foot the chasers. He charges back towards the Old D’s line at a surprising gallop and takes great delight in handing off a number of Old D backs before being hauled to the deck. Sidcup are first to the breakdown and recycle the ball quickly before shipping it to the right flank where Crook, May and Keeley produce some delightful interpassing and support play before May is held up 10 metres out from the Old D’s line. Again the Sidcup support is there in numbers and Watson emerges from the maul like Godzilla on amphetamines to rip the ball clear and charge over the line to score. May, with a choice of four kicking tees to choose from, wisely uses the “ip-dip-doo” method and is duly rewarded when the conversion is successful. Twenty five frantic minutes played and the score is Sidcup 7 – 0 Old Dunstonians.

The legalities of the breakdown phase in rugby are a hotly contested matter with interpretations of what is and is not allowed varying from player to player, and so it was during this match. With Sidcup on the attack, hooker Wicks adjudged an Old D’s playing to be lying over the ball and thus in a perilous offside position and sought to rectify the matter by helping him move to a more appropriate position. The referee considered Mr Wicks efforts to be unnecessary and duly penalised him and allowed him a ten minute rest to revise his knowledge of the laws. This allowed number 8 Hancox the chance to have a rest so that Scooby Doo’s nephew-lookalike Liam Frondigoun could assume the hooking duties for ten minutes. SH accepted his temporary substitution with knowledgeable pith and wisdom and in no way whinged at all. Mr Wicks enjoyed his much needed ten minutes of rest by contemplating a more Zen approach to life in general.

Down to 14 players, Sidcup were venerable to attacks on the flanks but Old D’s instead opted for the chip over the top. This time fullback May fielded the ball, outpaced the first up kick-chasers before putting in a tempting chip which bobbled tenuously close to line before being collected by the Old D cover and grounded. It appeared the ball had been taken back over the goal line but the referee must have had a clear line of vision from twenty metres away and gave the hosts a 22’ drop out. The hosts now had a lineout on the Sidcup ten metre line and spun the ball to the left again creating an overlap in the process. With the line at their mercy, outside centre Blunt covered a great distance before putting in an exemplary smoother tackle and the attack petered out. Once again, with Old D’s in a strong position and looking likely to score, the Sidcup defence came through.

The visitors returned to the attack and from a position wide on the right, set up some good quick ruck ball and interpassing to work their way up the pitch. From 30 metres out, flanker Watson took the ball on the charge from another successful ruck and stormed through the host’s defence to score. Showing remarkable cool and focus, May slotted his second conversion and Sidcup were 14 – 0 up at the half time break.
At half time it was decided to bring a fresh approach to matters. With prop Dave “Dangerous” Camble suffering a shoulder injury and second row Kevin Pooley looking rather bored by the opposition’s inability to stay on their feet, the pack was reshuffled. Blindside Tom Crisp who had been his usual destructive tackling self, was moved into the second row to allow Charlie Hine to come onto the flank. Hooker Wicks, now back on the pitch after a time of reflection moved to tight head with Frondigoun staying on at hooker. The backs remained unchanged and spent the half time break gelling their hair.

The reshuffled pack dealt with the restart with their usual aplomb; the kick was mishit and looped over Frondigoun’s head (no great achievement) before he tapped the ball back for an oncoming support player to knock forward thus giving Old D’s the put in at a scrum. The Sidcup scrum holds and Frondigoun steals one against head and Sidcup kick up-field. Alas, the chase is poor due to shock in the backs at the Sidcup scrum being stationary and Old D’s fullback sprints up the pitch before a deft chip into the 22’. The kick is pretty much covered, but having run some distance to put in a thumping tackle, Tom Crisp continues his run and collides with the Old’s D fullback and a penalty is conceded. The Sidcup forwards are some distance from being able to defend their own line so Old’s take a quick tap only for skipper Stephens to tackle and be adjudged to be some 9.8 metres shy of being onside. Sidcup regroup, Old D’s opt for a scrum as opposed to a penalty and somehow, despite heading backwards at a rate of knots, Sidcup win possession and clear their lines.
From the lineout on the left, the ball is spun wide right and again the Sidcup pack are first to the breakdown and win possession. The ball is switched right and Charlie Hine, having shown his usual forward-thinking (oxymoron) of not committing to the ruck, appears in the backs, spots a gap and sprints some 60 metres to score in the left-hand corner. Fullback May, have chastened his flanker for not running nearer the posts, slots the conversion and is more shocked than anyone else. 48 minutes gone and Sidcup are 21 points clear.

From the restart, second-row Custy belies his place in the third team by catching the ball and sets off up-field on the charge. The ball is recycled and moved left before the attack is driven into touch. As his younger forwards encourage urgency, front row forward Wicks ambles to the lineout and states “I am not running anywhere. Scrum and lineout, that’s it”. The Sidcup pack are now in the ascendancy in the loose play but are often thwarted by the home side possibly killing the ball at the breakdown depending on your interpretation of the laws.

The referee sees it differently and penalises Sidcup three times in a row for not staying on their feet and Old D’s edge forwards into the Sidcup 22’. Hine makes an excellent tackle and rips the ball clear only for the referee to adjudge that he was on the floor at the time and Old’s gain their fourth penalty in a row and Hine is the second Sidcup player to receive a yellow card at the breakdown. Hine immediately concentrates his efforts on getting a tan even though the sun is nowhere to be seen and takes off his shirt in front of the home side’s female support. Old D’s decide to run a penalty move, but with the Sidcup pack peeved at having a second player off the pitch, a wave of defenders wipe out the man with the ball and sends the home side reeling backwards. Old D’s regroup but again Sidcup show superior technique to win the ball and head out of their own 22’ for Stephens to clear his lines. Well, that was the theory anyway: alas, scrumhalf Stamato threw one of his ground-skimming, under the RADAR passes with appeared at Stephens shins and showing all the skill of an England Cricketing fielder, he duly knocked the ball and Sidcup were back to within 5 metres of their line.

Sidcup regroup and after some excellent forward work with Custy and Watson to the fore, put in a strong kick to the Old’s fullback in the centre of the pitch. The chase from the Sidcup midfield is good and the return kick is fielded on the visitors 22’ but the well-positioned Frondigoun. There are occasions in one’s lifetime where time seems to stand still and so it was here and both sides seemed to freeze and think; “what the hell is he going to do now”. Frondigoun, with pretty much no idea himself, seemed to throw a dummy quickly followed by a side-step of sorts and suddenly found himself clear on the Sidcup 22’. From here, he sped off as though being chased by some man-eating best and seemed to be muttering “oh God, Oh God, Oh God,” before collapsing over the line and emerging with a grin that said, “I know I could make it all along”. May, still chuckling at the comedy of it all, missed the conversion; Sidcup 26 – 0 Old Dunstonians.

Old Dunstonians refused to throw in the towel, despite being four scores down and with many of their players being substituted through injury. Again they through wave out of wave of attack and again and again Sidcup’s defence held firm. The Sidcup back row of Watson, Hancox and occasionally Hine were dominating the breakdown and Stamato was marshalling his close in runners with his usual aplomb. Second row Custy develops a novel style of charging onto the ball, catching it both behind him and over his shoulder and charging at the Old D’s defence as though a hod-carrier on speed. Crook, saving his best game of the season to the last day, was appearing everywhere in the back line and rucking and mauling like a man possessed. McNally, playing his first game for some three months, breaks clear from the halfway but is unable to emulate the efforts of his hooker and blindside and fails to make it to the line. Shortly after, prop Dodd finds himself in possession of the ball on the half way and charges some twenty metres with the referee in support cheering. There was still time for some comedic rugby as a chip over the top of the Sidcup midfield saw the oncoming May have his toe stamped on by a retreating Sidcup forward (who shall remain nameless) and collapse to the ground as though he had been shot.

From an attack deep in their half, the visitors moved the ball left to right and winger Keeley manufactured an inch of room before shrugging off four tackles to sprint to the corner. Despite being tackled five metres out, he staggered to the line with three defenders to score in the corner. May limped up to take the kick and duly missed. Sidcup are now 31 points to nil ahead and with May limping back and Sidcup shorn of any back cover, there are fits of giggles from the Sidcup pack (mainly flanker Watson) as team manager Egan seems to be warming up to take the field. The game restarts and within minutes May has left the field, part injured, partly to stitch up the manager and a quick reshuffle sees Keeley moved to fullback, Crook change wings and Egan line up against a winger of similar age.

Old D’s again use the aerial route, chipping the ball over the aged Sidcup winger and the ball bounces unkindly overhead between winger and fullback and then back into the arms of a charging front row forward. Egan, showing the reactions of a cat (albeit if that cat was Bagpuss’s arthritic cousin) manages to make a half decent tackle for a geriatric and the threat is quashed. Sidcup return to the attack and work their up the right channel but lose the ball in the ruck. The Old D’s flyhalf, on his own 22’ metre line, tries a cross field kick to no one in particular which bobbles into the hands of the grateful Frondigoun who skips outside his man and runs round under the posts to score. With kicker May off the pitch and the conversion in front of the posts, Frondigoun decides he is replacement kicker and duly converts. As he stated afterwards, Frondigoun ended the game with a brace of tries and a 100% kicking success rate, as opposed to May’s no tries and 60% success rate.

The game, and very likely the season was drawn to a close and Sidcup’s 3 XV, having folded for a year are back from the wilderness and finished 4th in a league mainly populated by other club’s 2nd XVs. Having used 60+ players this season Sidcup fulfilled every fixture and brought rugby back into the lives of many players who had either been left in the wilderness or given up rugby for one reason or another. The squad spirit has been fantastic and the turnaround in approach and enjoyment has been a pleasure to behold. The preseason efforts of former colts and 1stXV captains/vice captains Martin Leamon, Mark Watson and Gerry Egan to set up a progressive, all-inclusive side have been handsomely rewarded. Ian Stephens has captained magnificently and put his heart and soul into what in what is often considered a thankless task. Barry Jackson’s work both on and off the pitch up until Christmas (when the pesky matter of what deprived him of the opportunity of further involvement) was essential in building a strong side capable of competing with anyone in this league on the day.

My personal thanks and well done to all who have performed this season:
The regulars:
Alex Watson, Andy Hind jnr, Charlie Hine, Charlie May, Charles Sunley, Chris Neal, Colin Bentham, Dan Mizen, Dan McNally, Dave Campbell, Ian Stephens, Jack “Fozy” Foster, James Head, James Parker, Joe Custy, Joel Leighton, John Crook, John Mitchell, Kevin Pooley, Liam Frondigoun, Matt Brunt, Matt Floyd, Matt Simmonds, Matteo Stamato, Maz Wicks, Neil Smith, Odhran Dodd, Paul Edwards, Steve Burke, Steve Hancox, , Tom Crisp, Tom Dunster, Tom Harrison, Tom McNally, Trevor Pooley.
The occasionals, one-offs, injured, university students, academy and help outs:
Alex Ure, Andy Gill, Bill Ramdhan, Billy Wilson, Brain Whittaker, Burt McDonald, Charlie Ashby, Charlie Lush, Chris Orford, Dan Evans, Dan Watson, Dave “Slouch” Jones, Dean Clay, Glenn Ennals, Ian Horrobin, Jack Heath, Jack Jacobs, Jamie Ping-Ting Tive, Jack Jacobs, Luke Taylor, Louis Keeley, Marcus Willing, Mark Calahane, Mark Whitford, Mike Frawley, Nat Scales, Nick Wieghill, Nicky King, Neil Watkins, Stuart Issacs, Tom Bland.

If I have missed anyone, I apologise and feel free to contact me to revise the above. After an excellent first season back and with the list of names above to be added to, we look forward to next season in a positive frame of mind and if the players involved next season came repeat the commitment and camaraderie of this year’s alumnae then Sidcup rugby club is in very good shape indeed.

N.B. I will try and produce an end of season Oscars report for the website and list stats and such for all to peruse, but for the time being we have the little matter of the End of Season dinner on Friday 25th April, 7.00 meet for a 7.30 sit down. All who have played for the third team are invited. For further details, contact me on Gerard67@live.co.uk or by text.

Gerry Egan April 2014