It was a classic Sidcup Sunday scene — overcast skies, double BBQ burgers on the grill, and one of the most anticipated fixtures in the summer calendar: Sidcup Rugby Club taking on Sidcup Cricket Club in the annual T20 showdown.

PRE-MATCH DRAMA

Things got off to a typically frantic start with late player dropouts. Aussie Fraser decided to go see his mum instead of playing, this had nothing to do with him still upset and claiming it was penalty and that the Aussie player didn't dive!! and Colin Cooper got lost admiring himself in the mirror.

Cue panic messages to everyone, with heroic last-minute additions including Sonny “South London” Hellewell and Dave Aldridge (being bribed with a double burger from the BBQ).

A net session that revealed very little cricketing talent was followed by Joe Brady’s Millwall-esque team talk, which went something like:
“Forget the cricket club... fluff the cricket club... oh fudge I’ve just pulled my hammy.”

From the cricket side, rumours of Messrs Kilby, Dawes, Walker & Corbett all being scared to play looked to be true. Lucky for them, Chairman of Cricket Bob “Bobby” Pierce stepped up to captain the side — with questions from the sideline asking whatever happened to the Sidcup cricket greats of Bastin, Robinson and Beaumont… At that point, Robinson appeared on the patio with two vodka mules and a Stella.

Neil "Ducky" Bastin was ready with camera in hand to shoot the event and be reminded he got his nickname from this fixture, after being bowled for a Duck by Richard Evans on the first ever Rugby/Cricket T20

As with all events up the club now, all players were required to sign a NO FUN NO SINGING policy before the match could start…

FIELDING FIRST

Sidcup Cricket Club batted first and posted 162-5. At one stage they were wobbling at 60-4 after 10 overs, but a late surge (plus 61 extras) got them to a respectable total.

Joe “JT” Thomas opened the bowling with fire. George Aldridge, the only actual cricketer, kept things tight, while Connor McDonald (who attended a cricket school on scholarship) took two wickets — one possibly a googly, or maybe just a very slow meat pie.

Captain Steve “Best Evans” Evans treated us to a 10-ball over that went for 20 — later claiming he was just trying to be charitable.

Then came a tactical masterstroke from the brains of Evans and Ducky:
Why let the ball bounce when you can aim for the head?

Up stepped Millwall’s own Joe Brady, proudly shouting, “I’m used to throwing things at the cozzers — let me at the cricket club!”

After two fireballs, the batter walked off… prompting Joe to yell, “That’s right — off you go!”
Only to be told he hadn’t been dismissed — just retired after scoring 30 off 5 balls.

Meanwhile, Riku remained rooted at silly mid-off. Not a single movement. None. Until finally called upon to bowl… delivering a record-breaking 23-ball over after a 3-minute stare at the ball.

Rickie Hall — slathered in factor 50 despite the drizzle — debuted a bowling action best described as "blessed to the boundary".

The final over was bowled by Ducky, who sent down bouncer after bouncer until he was umpire-warned — by John the bar — for having “too much fun up the club.”

CAKE BAKE-OFF HALFTIME SHOW

With the cricket club at 162-5, attentions turned to the all-important bake-off. Judged by Sidcup legends Cooney & SBW, Team Ducky swept the podium — despite Cooney allegedly polishing off most of the entries before judging had even started.

We also almost had a full-blown rugby riot when it was revealed that cricket teas aren’t part of a T20 match.

THE RUN CHASE

Chasing 163, BIG Joe Brady and Little Joe Thomas opened up. JT batted fluently for 17. Big Joe? Possibly more suited to golf. Fourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

In fairness to Brady he was out from an absolute cracking catch from Nat Hitch, with a jump not seen since Dogman was "salmon like leaping" in the line outs......Side-note Nat has been invited to rugby pre-season training

George Aldridge, with all his cricketing pedigree, spent the first 10 overs playing like Geoffrey Boycott on pause. Josh Erskine (still suffering the effects of 20 cocktails the night before) was out for the first duck of the day.

Sam Squires arrived in cricket studs and not much else. He padded up, sent one 30 metres in the air, got out for a duck, then tried giving the next batter advice.

At this point some bloke appeared on the patio announcing that his son would have scored a century if he was playing… (name has been withheld but we all know who it was… to you).

Then came Jon Aderanti — man of the match — who smashed 4, 6, 4, 6 in style. With his dad watching from the boundary, the rugby club dared to believe. He was joined by Steve “the best” Evans, walking out in his white Reebok Classics and a Stone Island hoodie. When asked if he wanted gloves, a box, or even a helmet, he simply laughed.

Steve, now fully in charge, decided he would face every ball himself — effectively turning Jon into a very well-dressed non-striker, thus costing the rugby the match.

The tail end wagged valiantly:
Riku (bat the wrong way round) – Duck.
Sonny H (bat the right way round) – Duck.
Rickie Hall (no bat at all) – not out, no matter how hard he tried to miss everything.

Special mention:
Dave Aldridge rolled back the years, sprinting between wickets, scoring six glorious singles and cracking the shot of the day for four. He gave everything. He might still be horizontal this morning — we’ll guess certainly in pain.

THE RESULT

Technically, we lost. But we weren’t all out — so by rugby logic, that's a near victory.

The HBW Cup was presented by Who to the winning captain Bob “Bobby” Pierce. Hugh then gave a speech about the history of the match and post-match celebrations involving beers and shots (thanks Cricket Denise — nothing better at 9pm on a Sunday night!).

Huge thanks to Sidcup Cricket Club for letting the rugby lot be part of your Cricket Week. With the Chairman of Tennis joining in the sing-song/dance-off in the Lumley Bar on Saturday night and Sunday’s chaos on the cricket pitch, it’s truly been a #OneClub weekend.