Right from the moment the 2015/16 season ended, the rabble of Sidcup senior players could only concentrate on when the ‘gentle’ pre-season training would commence. Despite this otherworldly dedication, the players managed to squeeze in a beer pong social in early June to ensure the performances off the field were still viewed as an integral part of Sidcup RFC. Shortly after one of the finest Pong displays seen in recent history the real work began. Coach Jones and his rumbustious coaching staff had devised a Dick Dastardly style plan to ensure the players were fully prepared for the upcoming season. Much to the excitement of the players, this plan involved a multitude of fitness games and MAS training. For those of you ‘unlucky’ enough to have avoided MAS training in your lifetime; It’s basically a sprint backwards and forwards between two sets of cones, while Coach Jones profusely blows his whistle barking ‘motivational’ quotes at the struggling front row. The results were however, fruitful which became evident with the first batch of pre-season games. A combination of all senior sides ended pre-season with two wins against Charlton Park and Windsor and one loss to Westcliff. Although the major loss of the pre-season was in the form of 1st XV vice-captain Alex Tompkins who went down to a gruesome knee injury to compound his already gammy cankle. The players were then granted a week’s respite before the long season began.

The curtain raiser for this season was both 1st and 2nd XV away at Havant which is always a tough away day. The home crowd seemed buoyed by their summer signings and the excitement was palpable. The game didn’t disappoint the home fans, as the back and forth nature ended in probably a fair result of 24-24. The away fans sought solace in the result with two comedic interludes as due to the starting hooker Charlie Hopkins being sin binned; the line out duties fell to Sam Carmen. The nerves were evident as the resulting throw skimmed past Sidcup scrum half Ben Ibrahim’s ear! Secondly, in true rugby club style, Havant supplied a pint for man of the match. This honour was bestowed upon the broad shoulders of Sidcup’s new big man Luke Sloughman, who put in the most disappointing display of any Sidcup man on the day in the bar.

Perhaps the first date on many a Sidcup man’s diary is Ladies Day. This year it fell on 10th September, to follow the opening 1st XV home game against Gravesend and the first win of the season for the men in white (39-13). If the billing of a match between the most handsome rugby side in the country trying their luck against our more interesting looking neighbours wasn’t enough to draw in the delightful women of Sidcup, then the promise of unlimited prosecco (330 bottles to be precise) and topless waiters certainly was. The day was a roaring success with just shy of ten thousand pounds raised for charity! A particular mention must go to the (alcohol induced) generosity of the post-match crowd purchasing the specially designed match day shirts. The shirts of Captain fantastic Jon ‘I don’t train when it’s cold’ West and club stalwart Sam Carmen fetched £1,250 each and will of course make a glorious addition to anyone’s home decoration. A special mention must also go to Edward Velasco as he took a step toward many of the senior squad’s dream when colluding with the lovely Susan Brook in the darkest corner of the marquee. Despite the jealousy of the squad that ensued, the whole night was an unbelievable success and much praise must be dedicated to Wendy Leamon for her stellar organisational skills. Roll on next year!

Sidcup’s next major test came after the win away at Chiswick (3-31) as CS Rugby were in town and they were flying high atop the competitive London 1 South. This was perhaps the most competitive match of the early season. By now the Sidcup side were more settled and comfortable with their patterns and personnel. The threat of an early score by CS did not deter the men in white. The togetherness of this Sidcup squad eventually prevailed, resulting in a 23-13 victory for ‘Cup. As the players retired to the changing room post-match listening to the dulcet tones of ‘We are the Rangers’, there was a collective agreement that we could overcome any obstacle in front of us and we have the opportunity of doing something special for every Sidcup rugby man and woman this season.

This self-confidence would be necessary in the next couple of weeks as there was first a trip to the recently revamped Cobham RFC, who proved to be the fierce opponents we expected alongside the first bout of torrential rain faced this season. Unlike many previous Sidcup sides it seemed as though the wet weather would hamper the current first XV, as you might expect for a side that play in white, however once again the closeness of this side came out on top with a bonus point win (17-33).

Next up was the bogey side of Chobham at home, which always proves to be a tough game where league position counts for nothing. This pressure was compounded by the early loss of fan (and coaches) favourite JT. Sidcup’s class once again prevailed and victory was accomplished with a 36-8 scoreline.

The next few weeks of the season were perhaps the most treacherous. The next three games were against the bottom three sides in the league and two consecutive away games only compounded the pressure. Sidcup subjugated the advances of the home sides of Dover and then Brighton triumphing 5-49 and then 18-65. Finally the rolling Sidcup side returned home to face Gosport & Fareham. This also coincided with a short lived home debut for Pete Grayson, as his effort to assert his physical dominance resulted in him grazing his forehead. At the completion of these three matches Sidcup entered a week off from the league with a record of eight wins, one draw and the prospect of a Kent cup match versus Canterbury 2nd XV.

Despite the cries coming from the Canterbury side dubbing Sidcup “An average side being made to look good!” (which Joe Brady took particular distaste to) we dominated the match concluding proceedings with a 57-10 scoreline. Brady’s gargantuan performance on the pitch was eclipsed only by his performance off it; and so began perhaps one of the greatest club songs in recent history. Word in the music industry is that the song may be more successful than the predecessor by the Beatles; ‘Twist and Shout’. For those Sidcup supporters who are unaware of the night’s events, a brief explanation; a collective chant of ‘Shake it up Brady’ would result in Brady enjoying some of the finest Fosters the club can offer… until the audience deemed they have satisfied their desire of twisting and shouting.

Sidcup’s stunning run of form became a league wide phenomenon with each team becoming increasingly aware of the seemingly unstoppable men in white. Perhaps the greatest threat to the unbeaten record came from an away trip to Tunbridge Wells who were hot on the heels of ‘Cup sitting in second place. The 2nd XV gained a great win in the early kick off and their support for the 1st XV proved vital. Despite an early red card for the T. Wells prop, the whole of the Tunbridge Wells entourage on the sideline, which included their mayor, utilised their rather vivacious and colourful prose to influence certain decisions throughout the game. Ultimately Sidcup’s resilience and desire not to let their record slip produced an exquisite last gasp try. Colby ‘Butcher’ McMahon uncharacteristically passed the ball to the best looking hooker in world rugby (no not Dimitri Szarzewski) to go through the weak inside defence and over the line to the left of the posts and be met by a tidal wave of 1st and 2nd XV players alike in a moment of pure jubilation which perfectly personifies what the club’s record on a whole means to all involved in the senior squads.

Finally the majority of the sidelines produced the sweet sound of silence which hadn’t been heard all afternoon. Perhaps the only sparkle in the Tunbridge Wells afternoon came from the Mayor’s attendance, who ultimately decided it was too dangerous to risk his necklace rusting in the wet weather and the best place to pass a somewhat biased and contentious view of the game was from the sanctuary of the clubhouse.

From the moment the ref called time on Sidcup’s 22-17 victory the celebrations began. Murmurs from the travelling faithful suggested one should forget Fergie time and believe in Jonesy time, while everyone involved in the matchday proceedings wearing white piled into the snug changing room to belt out the increasingly common victory tune of the rangers song. The mandatory fun bus followed and seemingly certain members of the team (the Butcher) let their first ever assist go to their head. He certainly had more ‘fun’ than others. Colby did not confine his fun solely to the bus though as he found an unorthodox use for the hoover provided by Super John the barman. This was merely the commencement of ‘the best night at the club ever’. This night alone accounted for more split heads than the season to date with Edward Velasco seeking to steal the ‘World Heavyweight Championship of Stool Jousting’ from the unbeaten Nick Gilbert and clearly coming off second best. Jack Dutton is often one not to be outdone so after seeing Velasco carted off for a brief visit to A&E he decided to document a short film directed by JT, via the modern phenomenon of Facebook live; His own combination of 24 hours in A&E and Traffic Cops as he acted vigilante in the depths of Beckenham gaining a new scar for his efforts. Perhaps the greatest highlight of the night, which ideally sums up the every aspect of the club to date, was born out of the adaptation of a modern day classic anthem to ‘Sidcup’s on Fire!’ which can now be heard being whistled all around the South East of England.

This wonderful evening perfectly set the tone for the ‘social’ period that is Christmas. Two birthdays of 1st XV fly half Josh Twyford and 1st XV second row Luke Sloughman gifted the players some delightful brownies and what can only be described as a masterpiece of a cake embodying Sloughman in his most recognisable position this season; diving over a melee of players to dot the ball down for a try. As the common saying goes, ‘A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips’, which was evidently clear with the sluggish and distracted performance ‘Cup displayed against a gritty Maidstone side. However, the pre organised social was not to be ruined by a loss with a final score of 35-27 in Sidcup’s favour. This victory was also welcomed by 1st XV prop Sam Carmen winning his pre-season wager with 5 senior members of the club including Dave Price and Ian Anderson of finishing November unbeaten, which everyone involved was of course overjoyed with Sam’s foresight. The social was excellently organised by the senior players, although if you ask the majority of the squad, very little can be recalled other than what was documented in photographs. A personal favourite is a snapshot of Joe Brady celebrating topless that his song has now been adapted to become all-encompassing with a slight name change. Regardless of the memory loss everyone agreed a fantastic evening was shared between teammates.

As previously mentioned December is a notoriously difficult month to remain focussed on the job at hand with many commitments outside of the game coming to the fore. The attendance at training and availability of the players however, speaks volumes to the commitment of the current senior squads. With three games left before the Christmas break, the consistent Sidcup 1st XV remained virtually unchanged bar perhaps 2 changes and this consistency was evident with solid performances against an awkward Sevenoaks side (16-32) and potentially the most complete performance of the season dispatching 4th placed Tottonians 53-12. Carmen riding high off his wager success decided it was time to dethrone Colin Cooper as the contentious holder of the Hoegaarden record timings (there was no witnesses for Colin’s effort) and he off course succeeded with a ground-breaking time of 24 minutes and 5 seconds.

The final weekend of 2016 was an away clash against Gravesend. The travelling support was again spectacular and it was a pleasure to see so many senior players utilising their weekend off to support the 1st XV. There was of course the hidden motive of an excuse to start the evening’s proceedings of fines night early. The early pressure from Gravesend was rewarded with the first points of the afternoon however these were the only points the staunch defence of Sidcup allowed for the remainder of 2016, eventually running out 5-36 winners.

The social weekend to close out 2016 had now begun and the players rushed back home to the Lumley bar for the Christmas fines to begin. The theme of ‘lucky dip clothing’ was warmly welcomed, in particular by Nick Gilbert who left very little to Suzie’s imagination. The legendary fun bus was recreated indoors and the real Cooper took a Rosa Parks esque liking to one seat, refusing to budge for almost the entirety of the evening. A theme is occurring with our socials and that is one of head injury, this time Sloughman was struck down by the classic pulling away of his chair. Many believed he was targeted due to his smooth talking (candle free) date he shared with the lovely Suzie, however Nick ‘the cutter’ Gilbert holds the memory capacity of a goldfish and therefore this was not the motivation. The fines concluded on a favourable note and the attendees who could still stand ventured into the cultured town of Beckenham. Some great initiative was showed by Louis Keeley to devise a treacherous scheme of speed dating a table of girls in order to gain 4 seats. This plan backfired on him though as JD was crowned alpha male of the group with all 4 females choosing him as their knight in shining armour. Louis’ misery was again compounded as the fabulous foursome of JT, Coshy, myself, and Jack ‘Lady-killer’ Dutton stumbled into Louis and Harrison’s beautiful cousin who somehow resisted the collective charm and sent the group packing with merely a photo for their troubles. As if a spectacular Saturday night was not enough for the riffraff of players, the Sunday Christmas Curry arrived. The wiser club stalwarts had ensured they had taken a tactical Monday off work to recover from the festivities. The afternoon started slowly due to many sore heads although a few chants of ‘Shake it up Brady’ perked up the attendees and rolled everyone ideally onto the shortest fun bus of the year. The Jalsa curry house customers felt honoured and gratified to be an audience to a Sunday cabaret of Sidcup’s finest choir. The weekend ended with a hint of revenge as Gilbert was punished for his ability to injure his own teammates by having his ‘cute’ man bun set alight.

The first half of the season has been a roaring success both on and off the pitch which has become evident with Sidcup’s newest fans and rugby legends; Nick Tompkins and Andy Goode. A great amount of praise must be given to Coach Jones and his staff and the seemingly interchangeable 1st and 2nd XV squads for all their hard work. Both teams are reaping the rewards of all their hard work as they both sit atop their respective leagues with unbeaten records which speaks for itself. A final thanks must go to the unimaginable levels of support we’ve been receiving at home and away. I believe at the Brighton away game we had a total of 5 Presidents past and present attend which was an honour to perform in front of for all involved in the matchday squad. As a mark of the players gratitude there are a few club coloured scarves purchased from the players fund for regular supporters, so if you are lost for something to do on a Saturday afternoon please come and support any of the great Sidcup sides and cheer us on in our ultimate goal of promotion. The fixtures for all sides can be found on this website in the fixtures tab.

Come on ‘Cup! #YAMS

Author: Charlie Hopkins